Nobody enters into
their marriage while anticipating that it will just end up in separation.
However, based on recent statistics, around 20% of the marriage ends during the
first five years of the wedding, and 48% will result in a legal dissolution
after 20 years. Divorce
is an expensive, heart-wrenching, and painful process, but there is a
healthier way to separate to avoid further emotional damage.
Mediation, Communication, and
Cooperation
During the early
phase of the divorce, it will typically unleash a string of negative
emotions such as fear, anxiety, grief, and anger. These feelings will occur
unexpectedly, and that is just normal. As time goes by, the intensity of
emotion will gradually subside. While experiencing this heightened amount of
emotion, you need to take care of yourself. Study shows that people who are
kind to themselves will find it easier to manage the challenge of divorce. The
frustration you felt during the initial phase of the divorce is likely to
reappear while you are negotiating. You can look at divorce differently; mediation
is more favorable than ending up in a brawl inside the court. According to the
experts, going on the mediation instead can improve your satisfaction, your
relationship with your former spouse and address the kids' needs.
Explaining to the Kids
There are times
that the dissolution of the marriage can be a traumatic event for the kids; the
adjustment period can take up to two years. You may also consider
the child custody. Then again, children will be more problematic if their
parents decide to stay in a complicated relationship. While you are undergoing
a divorce, there are ways to make it easier for the kids. You may ask your
former spouse to explain the situation together to your kids. It would be best to
keep your communication open to your kids. The sudden changes can be an
overwhelming experience for the kids but being honest about them can help them quickly
adapt to their new situation. We will discuss this further later in this
article.
Take Care of Your Well-Being
The changes that
you are undergoing are a daunting experience for your kids and you as well.
Even though you are feeling scared, angry, or stressed, you need to take good
care of yourself. Reach out to your friends and loved ones for comfort and
assistance. There are also support groups in your community that will help you
handle the end of the marriage.
Consult a Psychologist
Finally, the
psychologist can also help in creating a peaceful divorce. A psychologist can
provide counseling to the children and the spouses to help you manage the
emotions you are feeling and adjust to the recent changes in your life. They
may also assist in helping you understand the things that contributed to the
failure of your marriage and make sure that it will not happen again in your
next relationship. The psychologist's support can help you regain your senses
and find the peace you desire.
How to Explain the Divorce Process to
Your Kids
Divorce is,
without a doubt, a painful process. You are facing a challenging legal,
financial and emotional issue. There are times when you will feel extreme
hatred towards your partner; however, no matter how much you hate your spouse,
you should never say bad things about them, especially in front of your kids.
So if the experts are prohibiting you from telling your situation to the kids,
how will you explain the divorce to them?
Consider What You Will Tell Them and Their
Reaction
Before you explain
the current situation of your marriage with the kids, you will need to think
about the things that you will tell them and their possible reactions. The
legal dissolution of the marriage may be challenging for the kids since they
are generally clueless about what is happening. Though they are probably aware of
your marriage problem (even if you are hiding it), they will still find it
challenging to adjust to the changes they may encounter. You should also
guarantee that the children will know about the separation directly from you
and not from their relatives or friends.
Talk to Them Together
In a perfect
scenario, both the parents will be talking to the kids. They will probably ask
their kids to sit down and talk about the changes in their relationship. You
need to convey the message to the children that you amicably reached this
decision, and it will only aggravate the situation if both of you decide to
stay in a relationship. Be consistent in explaining to your kids; it would be
challenging if the parents were on a different page since it could encourage the
kids to look at one party as the villain. Remember that your ultimate goal of
explaining the divorce to them is for the kids' good. Reiterate that to
yourself repeatedly and try not to burst out in anger and frustration when
talking to them about the divorce.
Be Honest
The best possible
way to explain the separation to your kids is, to be honest. Tell them that
both of you have decided to end the marriage and that they should expect some
changes with the family. However, you also need to reassure them that your love
for them will remain constant no matter what. You should clarify that both of
you will remain as their parents, and you will be proactive in raising them.
You need to take responsibility for your action and tell the kids that your
role as parents will not change. Only the setup will change and not your duties
as parents.
Tell Them That It is The End of the
Marriage
If possible, you
should also consider telling them that you have no plan to get back together.
There are times that the kids will do some measures to 'fix' it, and it will
only hurt them further. If there is no possible reconciliation in your
marriage, you should make it clear to your kids.
There are
different ways in how your kids will react towards the divorce. Regardless of
their reaction, it would be best to allow them to express their emotion and
thought freely.
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